Why We Choose To Be Unhappy
In one of the recent answers I wrote on Quora, I touched briefly on the topic of how to secure your own happiness.
The answer seemed to really strike a chord with the readers, garnishing over 15,000 views within hours!
Because of that, I figured I would take today’s post to expand into greater detail on this topic.
This may seem obvious, but we really are the biggest cause of our emotional state, good or bad.
All too often, we find ourselves in a deep hole of depression and sadness with seemingly no way out.
Here is the question though,
If we are the cause of our emotional state, why is it we so often choose a negative one?
The answer is simple.
We most often choose other people’s happiness over ours.
It is as if we are always chasing a 100% approval rate from everyone around us, even though we know that it is not possible.
It does not matter how hard you try, how many favors you give out, how many parties you unwillingly show up too,
You simply will never please everyone all the time.
Focus On Your Own Happiness First
So step 1 for securing your own happiness is to stop trying to please everyone. Focus on yourself and your own happiness first.
Here is why this step is so important:
When you focus on your own happiness first – that is to say – choose to be happy, you essentially overfill yourself with joyful emotion.
When that positive emotion overfills, it spreads like wildfire to all of those around you.
It spreads around and becomes infectious to your surrounding peers which in turns generates more joy and happiness.
Have you ever been around or near a group of friends absolutely having a great time? Laughing, smiling, sharing emotion, completely oblivious to their surroundings?
That doesn’t happen by accident. Its not a coincidence. It’s the viral exchange of a positive state of being.
And it’s fascinating to watch. Take it in long enough and you too will find yourself smiling and nodding along.
The reason this phenomenon happens is this.
When you choose happiness and really radiate it, you are unconsciously telling other people that it is ok to let go and be happy as well.
Without even knowing it, those around you will feel a sense of freedom to act in accordance with their preferred state and will then choose to do so.
How To Make Happiness Happen
Now that we have that established, the question is how do we make ourselves happy?
The best way to find true happiness is to lighten up on yourself.
Far too often we are our own worst critic.
The thoughts that constantly cycle through our head is a nonstop dialogue of hate and disrespect.
Have you ever really paid attention to the thoughts going on in your head?
When you really reflect on the dialogue in your head, especially when in a negative state, it can be mortifying.
Here is another way to think about it.
The next time you find yourself spewing negative thought to yourself in your head, picture it as if someone else was talking. A friend, family member, stranger, whoever.
How would you react to those words? Would you take them kindly? Would you put up with them?
So why put up with them in your head? It’s ludicrous.
Here is my point in all of this. Sometimes you need to realize it’s OK to go easy on yourself. To forgive yourself. To praise yourself. To just lighten up.
Life is all about the experience, period.
No situation or problem is negative one unless you choose to make it that way.
We all make mistakes. We all do things we wish we could take back. It’s called being human.
So the next time you find yourself spiraling down, just remember to lighten up. Remove the baggage.
Just take in this experience around you and choose make it a positive one.